Still bitchin'...

So, I'm doing the hair baggying thing again tonite.. it doesn't itch as bad around my hairline, but I shampooed my hair earlier. No, it wasn't sulfate free.

I'm starting to get irritated with this process. Why did I cut my hair off?? Why did I get that relaxer back in march?? Nothing I can do about it now.

I'm quickly realizing, I don't have the patience to grow hair. When I say this, I'm moreso referring to those hair growth challenges, like the unofficial one I am on.. for one, they make me watch for growth more anally, and two, it has the whole boiling pot of water theme.. I wish I could stop caring about the length of my hair. If I watched it less, it would grow faster lol. I need to be enjoying the fact that I can wash and style my hair in a matter of minutes and I'm not in the mirror constantly trying to fix my hair....

This first month after my big chop has been so difficult and long winded. I thought school would make it seem. quicker, but not really. I dunno why I'm trying to rush myself into detangling sessions, styling, and all that mess.. judging by how nappy it is (yes, I used that forbidden word), I'm gonna have a whole heap of trouble. These slinkies are so tight you really can't tell. Like a slinkie sitting up, fresh from the box and undisturbed.

I do want to add very quickly, that.coconut oil is my best friend. I can go from pan to hair to body with this stuff, its great. It seals, penetrates, moisturizes, refreshes. Its great. I'm probably going to try some different essential oils soon, particularly rosemary and peppermint (you can guess why).

I mostly just wanted to vent about my hair. Starting next month, I'll probably post my daily hair routine in a week-by-week format.

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I'm natural? well, that takes care of that.

So, what does it feel like to be natural? Its been about 2weeks since I chopped my hair and I must say, I don't feel any different. The only time I really notice is when I wash or try to tuck my hair behind my ear...

I keep reading about how people feel invigorated and relieved, like a whole new person. I didn't really feel any of that. I felt more regret than anything else.

I don't really feel natural. I just feel like I have short hair... really short hair. I guess I just thought my transformation would be more noticeable; more monumental; more, liberating. I'm actually disappointed. Had I known I wouldn't feel anything but remorse, I would have waited longer to cut my hair.

I was going to do a natural hair search the other day, which is what got me on this. I realized, the only thing that matters to me right now is growing my hair back out, and I know I can't do anything about that but wait. So, I'm officially bored with my hair.... that didn't take long lol.

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Hot oil treatment

My ears are burning... no, no one is talking about me. I'm sitting under this hooded dryer for a hot oil treatment. I basically grabbed every oil in the house and slathered it on my head..

Actually, the first thing I did was rub my hair lightly with a little baking soda and water mix. I didn't want to soak my hair, but I want to test the theory of this baking soda low porousity thing. I said I was only going to use baking soda twice a month, but I want softer hair NOW.

After I rubbed a bit of the water over my hair (mostly the tips cause that's where my hair is driest), I applied my every oil mix (olive, jojoba, coconut, canola, castor, aloe vera gel), then I took a few medium-large hunks of coconut oil and piled that on my head. I'm talkin soaked.. already my hair felt much softer.

I'm under the dryer now, hence my ears burning, wiping oil off the back of my neck.. atleast its not running down my face. *cringe* I'm going to attempt at minimum one hot oil treatment a week and a deep conditioning treatment once a week. Probably not on the same day, cause I'm lazy lol.

If I don't see any improvement soon, I'm gonna get a wig! Ok, maybe not.. I saw the prices of wigs before I did my big chop.. Uh, yea, no. I'll just rock a hard frizzy fro until my hair grows out enough for twists. A shame too cause I've got some super defined curls.

Actually, on that note, my hair is crazy. The front is wavy, the top is curly, the sides are loosely coiled, and the back and sides above my ears are a mix of frizx and tight, tight coils... this is going to be an interesting thing to see as it gets longer. Feeling like a ragdoll head lol. Bouquet of wildflowers sounds better though. My head though only further proves that hair typing is pointless

Well, I'm hot and greasy. I think its been 30minutes.. time to rinse and shine! Well, I'm hoping for some shine. This dull mix of brown and black is not working.

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Beautiful Textures

I just tried the Beautiful Textures curl butter. I skipped using the aussie. I don't think its conditioning my hair, although it does work great for Micah's hair so its a keeper for him. However, I still massaged my castor many oil mix on my scalp.

I mixed the curl creme with the garnier. The line suggests mixing their products for different results, so I used the garnier to help with frizz and the butter to seal and moisturize. On top of everything I added a tiny bit Jam! hair gel with a red top. Its light which is good. I again used the soft brush to try to make my curls "pop", so to speak.

The fruity smoothie scent and the consistency of the curl creme blended well with garnier leave in. After putting everything on my head, it had a white build up or film, but that went away after a few minutes.

I don't know if my hair is hard since it has gel in it, but its not bad. I think its just highly textured because of my hair cut which, I think is also what makes my hair appear dull even though its moisturized.

The butter feels a little oily which could be good for the winter. My hair does appear darker and shiny. Its still wet though, so yea.

I'll keep it, but until I use it more I dunno about buying it again. My hair does feel moisturized. I'm not.sure if it.defined my curls but I'll probably have to wait until my hair longer to notice definition in the back of my head. I'd like to find something that has less unpronounceable words on its product list. I may or may not try the other products within the line since I want something less chemically compounded.

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Big Chop!

I sat on it and sat on it.. I called both of my grandmas, and both told me "baby, just do it. you gotta do it anyway, right?".. so, finally, I broke down, drove over to the beauty college and had them chop me up..

I was big eyed and terrified the whole time, watching big chunks of my hair fall to the floor.. They took me over to the barber side to get "shaped up".. That was the first time clippers have ever been than close to my head. I understand why kids are so scared during their first hair cut lol.. The guy cut me kinda crooked, but its done now and I'm not going back for a while.. I still have some relaxed ends on top, but I just couldn't handle anymore.. I was shaking, feeling light headed. I needed to go home and let this trauma pass lol.

Sorry about the sun, I snapped a quick picture in the car driving home. I dunno what they used on my hair, but it was stinky. The definition is nice though. I have about 3 inches of hair, but my coils are super tight, so there's a lot of shrinkage.

I couldn't quite replicate the look myself at home.. So, back to square one. My oil and aloe vera mix just doesn't seem to be enough. I went to target today and got some Garnier Fructis Sleek & Shine Leave-in Conditioner and Suave Professionals Mousse Captivating Curls Whipped Cream Mousse because they were both under 3 dollars lol. I tried to buy from the ethnic care section, I really did.. when I saw shampoo for or whatever it was for 58 bucks, I did my best to catch my breath and not pass out on the floor. I couldn't do it. I could feel the cash in my pocket causing great pain to my leg..

I ran into another natural (cause I can say that now, hehe). I asked her the typical question one natural would ask another natural stranger in line at the store "what do you use on your hair?" basically, she said she uses Carol's Daughter, but wants something cheaper. She went on to say she wanted to try the Shea Moisture next.. Ok, if you don't know anything else about me, know that I am cheap.. too cheap. I'm not a penny pincher, I have my pennies super glued down. I showed her the Garnier in my cart, but she said its best to use products designed for "African American hair". I didn't want to argue with her, so I just said "oh, ok.. thank you"..

I'm just going to throw this out there for any new naturals, transitioners, or vets: you do NOT have to use products designed specifically for black hair.. truthfully, most of that high-priced ethnic stuff is manufactured by "white people".. let's just be realistic. Hair is hair.. set aside the curl types and color of our skin, its all basically the same. That's why a white person can use a black person shampoo with great results. if you read the ingredients list of the white products against the black products, I guarantee they have the same things. I know, because I looked lol. The main differences are oil and petroleum, but even on the white products, most of the moisturizing products have oils in them, because all hair, black white red green, needs oil.....

Ok, I realize I've gone off on a whole other blog post. I really just wanted to talk about the fact that I just cut off all my hair lol.

the great debate

I guess there comes that moment in every transitioners journey where she (and maybe he?) contemplates the "big chop".. I'm at that moment now... laying in bed pulling at these matted ends cause I was too lazy to twist my hair last night...

I chose to transition because I knew I wasn't ready for such a drastic change. i.e., cutting my hair and wearing a fro. I had no idea what kind of hair was hiding under this relaxer and if I did hate it, I could always fall back to the #creamycrack lol.

The problem comes from my impatience. I'm too impatient to transition. The detangling and different textures doesn't even bother me, I'm just tired of waiting! and rolling...

On the opposite end of that, I'm too impatient to big chop.. once its gone, its gone, and can I really wait a year or more for my hair to get this length again? Plus, the shrinkage... ugh. I like instant gratification. Hair doesn't grow instantly.

I've done well to combat my normally impulsive nature.. minus that mini chop episode a month or two ago.. right now at the top of my head, my curls are long and springy. I have no curl pattern in the back; just frizz and fuzz. I should start posting photos, huh? Haha. I don't think I can from this phone.

What to do, what to do... I really can't tell where my new growth ends, so I ought not cut it myself. I need to just wait and see how I feel in a few months. Maybe with a few more inches of growth, I'll gain some balls and just chop it.

I want to hear from people that transitioned and big chopped. How did you feel? Why did you choose that route?