Single mother rant...

So, despite my spending half my paychecks each week, Micah lost his enrollment at his daycare (thankfully my mom paid some of it to get him back in).. my electric, water, and phone bills are coming up due but all of my money has been tied up with Micah's expenses.. everything I earn goes to him. I'm so frustrated right now because all of my pleas for help have been ignored, yet I'm the bad guy... I just wanna scream. I work and trying to go to school to have a better life; I'm raising 2yr old on my own - how am I trying to skrew him over?? Please, someone tell me how I, the parent in poverty that can barely afford juice for my son, is trying to "skrew over" anyone over, especially a man that gets paid more money for a child he resents. I'm just trying to survive! I can't survive off nothing.  This isn't back in the day when gas was cheap, the neighborhood grandma watched the kids for nothing, and bubble gum costed 5¢! Life is expensive; babies are expensive.

Am I wrong for expecting the father of my child, who makes significantly more than I do, to help pay his share?? The same man that left me while I was unemployed and pregnant, ignored me when I reached out to him, chose not to come spend time with his son until the possibility of higher child support was brought to his attention, originally took me to court to get out of paying child support, tried to trick me into signing over custody of our son to him by forging a document to submit to court by saying he can't get BAH if he doesn't and will give me the money, lies to everyone, and who tries to make himself out to be some sort of victim in all this mess? That man?

He complains that he's broke. He gang pay child support because he now has you pay rent and a car payment and other bills. What about my bills? My rent? The fact that I can't het groceries got out child to eat. If those were worries of his, he should have stayed in the barracks. I didn't tell him to get a new car or to get an apartment. Why should I care when this same man walked away from his son while he was screaming and crying to be picked up while I was cooking. Its funny that he expected me to sign over custody for money. I can't even rely on him to pay it with a court order.

I just needed to vent.

I'm so ready for the next chapter because this one sucks..

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Potty training

Micah is home potty trained, mostly. He will use the potty at home, but not anywhere else.

Just a few moments ago, Micah sat on the potty to go peeped.. I'm so proud of him. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to pull his pants down yet :/. We're getting there. That's what's important.

Go team Micah! Lol.

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

5am...

I waited nearly a week for a 200 dollar check and its gone.. you always imagine what you're gonna do with the money when you get paid, then reality hits you quick. You owe this, you owe that, everythings late..

I just can't seem to get ahead.. it is so depressing. I wish my son's dad wasn't such a mother fucker.. a sergeant in the army making now 4,000 a month, yet can't afford to help with my son's finances... bullshit. I make 800. What the Hell am I supposed to do with that? I can barely support myself, but with a child?

We went back to court and my child support is most definitely going up.. just gotta wait for it. I don't really have a choice.

Anyway, just needed to vent. Put 50 down on my car payment that's now 3+ months overdue. It just got to me a little.. I love my son, but I'm not used to this kind of living. Sometimes, I wonder if any of this is worth it. If I could turn back time, I'm not sure I would do any of this again.. atleast not this way.  

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!