12 April 2010

I want to say I had a good weekend. I passed my test with my highest score yet, but of course where theres good, theres bad.. Trouble in paradise. My boyfrend decided he cant handle my dog anymore and told me in text form while I was out of town.. When I got home that night, I was reassured that we would not break up over a dog. The next morning I leave with a smile on my face and get to work.. As the day is winding down to an end, I receive another dramatc text from him, leaving me more worried than before.. An argument arises and im given a choice between him or my dog, lexi. By this time I am on my way home anyway and am in tears because a dog is going to end my relationship. I get home, he leaves, still arguing thru text and then we are broken up.. I was hysterical, crying and blubbering alone.. Well, not totally alone. Lexi, the dog he hates, sat and slept next to me on the bathroom floor as the tears stream down my face.. Thankfully, he returns. I become hysterical again yelling, crying, pleading.. He said he loves me and wont leave me again.. I want to believe him so bad, but I have been hurt, used, abused, and tossed to the side so many times before.. The fact that he left me at all makes me extremely scared and flairs my anxiety. I woke up last night thinking he was gone.. This mroning almost led into another fight because lexi peed on the side of my bed he normally sleeps on.. She is scared of him and his friend, so I didnt spank her like I normally would. If I hit her, shell just get more scared and pee more. He doesnt seem to understand or care.. He doesnt even want to live with me anymore.. I also doubt hes going to want to marry me.. I just dont know what to do..

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