Single mother rant...

So, despite my spending half my paychecks each week, Micah lost his enrollment at his daycare (thankfully my mom paid some of it to get him back in).. my electric, water, and phone bills are coming up due but all of my money has been tied up with Micah's expenses.. everything I earn goes to him. I'm so frustrated right now because all of my pleas for help have been ignored, yet I'm the bad guy... I just wanna scream. I work and trying to go to school to have a better life; I'm raising 2yr old on my own - how am I trying to skrew him over?? Please, someone tell me how I, the parent in poverty that can barely afford juice for my son, is trying to "skrew over" anyone over, especially a man that gets paid more money for a child he resents. I'm just trying to survive! I can't survive off nothing.  This isn't back in the day when gas was cheap, the neighborhood grandma watched the kids for nothing, and bubble gum costed 5¢! Life is expensive; babies are expensive.

Am I wrong for expecting the father of my child, who makes significantly more than I do, to help pay his share?? The same man that left me while I was unemployed and pregnant, ignored me when I reached out to him, chose not to come spend time with his son until the possibility of higher child support was brought to his attention, originally took me to court to get out of paying child support, tried to trick me into signing over custody of our son to him by forging a document to submit to court by saying he can't get BAH if he doesn't and will give me the money, lies to everyone, and who tries to make himself out to be some sort of victim in all this mess? That man?

He complains that he's broke. He gang pay child support because he now has you pay rent and a car payment and other bills. What about my bills? My rent? The fact that I can't het groceries got out child to eat. If those were worries of his, he should have stayed in the barracks. I didn't tell him to get a new car or to get an apartment. Why should I care when this same man walked away from his son while he was screaming and crying to be picked up while I was cooking. Its funny that he expected me to sign over custody for money. I can't even rely on him to pay it with a court order.

I just needed to vent.

I'm so ready for the next chapter because this one sucks..

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Lipozene: third week

In my last review, I talked about my initial experience with lipozene to include the shitting my pants episode. I'm now done with one bottle of lipozene and starting the next tomorrow.

So, I skipped a few doses and started eating some carbs, you know, to make my poop form so I could stop peeing out of my butt lol. That seems to have worked. I haven't had a good bowel movement in a couple of days, that I can remember but I'm starting to feel a little bloated, so we'll see....

Speaking of bloating, I want to point out that for the first couple of weeks I really didn't want to eat anything due to the nausea and lack of appetite, but for the past couple of days, it seems I can't stop eating! I need to say, though, I've had a lot going on so stress is probably playing a part in all that, or my body trying to nurish (spelling?) itself after being starved and dehydrated for a couple of weeks.

I also want to mention that I really haven't bern exercising, at all. I do feel lipozene would help me lose more weight if I was actually engaging in some type of cardio. I will, eventually... lol. I don't expect a diet pill to do all the work; I know there's no miracle weight loss solution, but I will not hide the fact that I am lazy and tired. Once I get back into the groove of things, I'll be well on my way to being a sexy mama. MILF status, here I come! Lol!

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Flat iron.....

I dunno why, but my flat iron was really calling my name tonite. I wanted to wait until I was a year in, but thought I'd just try it out.

Let me just say, I'm not even halfway thru and I now remember why i cut it in the first place. My arms hurt and I was very bored.

A few notes: definitely should have bothered to detangle beforehand. My ends are a bit knotty. Next time, i will try washing and blow drying too before I attempt this again. The top half is pretty smooth, but the ends are looking rather frayed. The "curls" settled at the bottom where I was holding it straight so the heat just glided over them.

I used grapeseed oil as a protectant, because I didn't have anything else.

I won't say this was a fail, just incomplete since I didn't even finish. I'll try it again in a few days. Maybe. I'll put some rollers in for the finish. My hair still, obviously is not at the length I want so maybe I won't bother with it for a few months.

I may try twisting it tonite though after I wash my hair. I do need to practice flat twisting.

..............

Nah. Wash and go, you are my friend lol

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Lipozene

I recently put on 15lbs, which is opposite of the direction I want to go. Weighing in at 178, I had to get serious about losing weight. I refuse to be huge.

While I do know what it takes to lose weight, I opted for the "easy" way. I saw a 2fer pack of lipozene for 20 which is why I picked it up at walmart over the hydroxycut.

Anyway, I can definitely say this stuff is curbing my appetite. Not only do I not want to eat in my mind, but food itself makes me nauseas no matter how hungry I am. I do feel like I have slightly more energy as well.

I honestly believe lipozene has helped me to lose 3lbs last week, however, its not without side effects.. the slight anxiety is a nuisance, the nausea is a little off putting and the unbelievably toxic gas can be polluting.. these though are all barable. The real complaint, the issue I just cannot deal with, the one thing that may force me to toss these pills to the wind is: the unpredictable bowel incontinence!! I have shit myself like 3times!! Twice last night in bed :/... I mean, its usually following a long round of fogger, but that ain't good.

Are 3lbs really worth shitting myself?? I just don't know... I am desperate to lose weight, but am I really? I wear white pants at work.... that won't end well.

I'm in my second week of taking lipozene. I've definitely lowered my dosage to 2 per day vs the instructed 6 capsules (2 capsules 30 minutes before meals, up to 3 times per day, although the most I took was 4).. I even skip days just so that I can eat and get relief from the bloating, cramps and poisonous farts. 

I'm thinking about it, hard. More than half of this blog was typed up from my bathroom during another episode of violent diarrhea. I will say this much, if you try the lipozene, invest in a butt plug or depends and always stay within 2yds of a toilet lol. People that say these pills don't work couldn't have been taking the same ones as I am: not only can I not eat, I've been shitting out anything that does happen to enter my mouth almost immediately.

I'll update more on this, be it that I quit taking them or ran to my local pharmacy for some padded protection lol.

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Twist out 2

Ok, I flat twisted my hair last night. My results were less than stellar. I wore it though, all day. I didn't use any product when I twisted it, but I did rub a little of the curling souffle over it after it was loose to help with some of the frizz.

I have a party to go to tomorrow. I dunno if I should attempt this again or just bare the twa..  my arms were hurting last night and its not long enough in the back. I dunno if its worth fooling with again

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Style attempts

Ok, I've just attempted to flat twist my hair since my big chop. The top I actually had no issues with, but the back was still a little too short. If I were more patient, I could probably do some tiny two-strand twists, but chunky is fastest.

After my experience with the Shea moisture on my two strand twists a couple blog entries ago, I didn't use anything on my hair. Just my suave naturals everlasting sunshine (my new leave in conditioner).

Speaking of suave naturals. I'm considering bringing some cones back into my "regimen", which right now consists of cowashing then adding a bit of gel. I dunno though. The "no poo" thing is going pretty well. My moisture level is pretty good, breakage isn't a huge problem and neither are knots.

Perhaps if I change it to low poo. Shampooing once a month. I can't not wet my hair everyday. I tried it for a week... oh, update to that week challenge in the next blog.

Might be next weeks challenge: Using cones

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Potty training

Micah is home potty trained, mostly. He will use the potty at home, but not anywhere else.

Just a few moments ago, Micah sat on the potty to go peeped.. I'm so proud of him. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how to pull his pants down yet :/. We're getting there. That's what's important.

Go team Micah! Lol.

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

First twist out since Big Chop

What a disaster! I have since put a headband on my head, but this is definitely a wash out situation.

I just wanted to try styling my hair. I was getting bored with current fro and was remembering my big curly fros from when I was transitioning. "This will be nice", I thought naively... I did this number on dry hair (I'm on a new week challenge of not drenching my hair every day). I just misted it with water and suave naturals everlasting sunshine (my new staple) then tried sealing with Shea moisture curling souffle..

Granted, my hair felt smoother, softer and moisturized, it also (still) feels like a sticky mess. I feel like I have less definition than when I let it dry loose. I will say, there were hardly any knots while taking the twists out.

In any case, this style is going on the back burner. For a while. I need more length for this to do and look like what I want. Also, definitely using less, if any, of the curling souffle. My hair literally feels like I poured pancake syrup over it.  Next time I wash, I may attempt a flat twist. Gonna have to look up kinkycoilycurlyme's youtube videos.

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Benedryl, wow

I've had these itchy bumps on my body for a few months. I went to the doctor and got prescribed some antibiotics. They haven't worked, so I decided to try benedryl. I have no clue if it helped with my itching; that stuff knocked me out so hard, I think I was just too tired to wake up to scratch.

If nothing else, that stuff is a powerful sleep aid! I was afraid I wouldnt wake up for work today lol. Probably the best sleep I've had in a long while.. since I was still itching this morning though, I guess.I'll have to go back to the doc :/. Hope I don't have to wait 4 and a half hours next time though 

Location : 100-198 Grandview Dr, Hopkinsville, KY 42240,
holysht, that's me!

9:30pm

I'm not doing the baggy thing tonite because one) I don't feel like it; and two) because I've noticed my hair is hard eight now. I know, I should put the bag on because my hair is hard, but I think its due to too much oil. I've done 3 hot oil treatments this week. This last one I used conditioner over it, but my hair seems less moisturized.. no, that's not what I'm looking for. Its just super fuzzy, not soft with a little frizz.

So, anyway, not doing it, hut I think its been about a week anyway, so, good challenge, good challenge.

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

9:15pm

I keep pulling on my hair.. time cannot grow hair fast enough. 6 more inches...  6inches from now, I'll be wanting 6 more lol.

Twist outs, flat twists, ponytails, cornnrows... I just cannot wait. I'm getting so anxious! Lol

In other news, this Megamind movie: hilarious!

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

11pm..

I had a date. Amazed? I am lol.

I don't talk much about dating or relationships because, in my case, there isn't much to say. I'm still dealing with "baby daddy drama" BS and really haven't met anyone worth talking about. There is one guy I really like, but due to his personal and emotional issues right now, I've been thrown under the friend bus. Every time he says "I'm glad I have a friend like you", that bus runs right over my chest and breaks my heart just a little.

So, instead of waiting and following him around like a pathetic puppy, I will be his friend who is dating other people. The date was alright. He was kinda cute, tall, kinda funny, good body from what I could see. I'm not sure if its just because my feelings are so strong for someone else but I didn't really feel any romantic feelings. I will definitely go out with him again if he asks though. Its not often a genuinely nice guy comes around. Never know what can become. Plus, he knew up front my hair is short and natural. Accepting that is a definite plus.

I'm laying here now with my plastic bags and knitted cap on my oiled head. I feel silly but forgetting about patience, I want my long hair back! Lol. Its getting there. Hopefully I'll see some inches in another couple of months. I'm thinking for my 1yr no relaxer anniversary I'm going to flat iron my hair. I do like my nappy hair, but I do kinda miss my "blow in the wind type hair" as a classmate of mine once called it.

Well, bedtime. I'm tired and got stuff to do in the morning.

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

Snafoo..

So, went to wash my hair after the 9hr hot oil treatment and wow. My hair was so full of knots!! I just watched as bits and bits of my hair flowed down the drain. Took me FOREVER to detangle my hair.. any growth I was getting is gone with all that breakage :/

Ok. While I'm not going to give up on the daily hot oil treatment, I will not be doing the ghe method with oil overnight. After this little fiasco, I'm not even going to risk it!

Well, off to work.. can't believe I agreed to work night shift. Been laying here awake trying to get a nap, nut of course now that its time to get up I can feel myself wanting to drift to sleep. Figures... smh.

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!

I have an idea (in a sing-song voice)

Ok, the other day I was in the CurkyNikki.com hair forum (DanielleToday) and I was inquiring if anyone was doing the curly girl and the ghe at the same time. In all this time of doing the ghe, I haven't noticed any significant amount of growth. One respondent informed me I'm supposed to use oil with the ghe method (although, I strongly believe its optional).

Anyway, that's when I had the brilliant idea to do a hot oil treatment everyday. Excessive? Maybe so. I'm going to commit to this for one week to see my results. Its basically what the ghe method is apparently. Putting oils on your hair and scalp then covering with a great amount heat. I really am too lazy to remember to baggy my hair every night, so I'll use the hooded dryer during the day to compensate for my laziness.

Right now I'm sitting here with the queen helene cholesterol hot oil, olive and grapeseed oils in my hair. I am getting itchy around my hairline. Not sure shy I put it on so early (12:30.... yea). I have to work 3rd shift tonite so I wasn't thinking I guess. I'm still not entirely sure what cholesterol does for hair, despite my research. I'm nervous my hair is gonna turn out crunchy again. Although, the original crunch was due to the creme of nature conditioning treatment (never again!!).

I'm actually on day 2 of this hot oil challenge. Week 4 day something with the curly girl method. Hopefully this will give some great results.

Location : 2403-2423 Wilma Rudolph Blvd, Clarksville, TN 37040,
holysht, that's me!