12 April 2010

I want to say I had a good weekend. I passed my test with my highest score yet, but of course where theres good, theres bad.. Trouble in paradise. My boyfrend decided he cant handle my dog anymore and told me in text form while I was out of town.. When I got home that night, I was reassured that we would not break up over a dog. The next morning I leave with a smile on my face and get to work.. As the day is winding down to an end, I receive another dramatc text from him, leaving me more worried than before.. An argument arises and im given a choice between him or my dog, lexi. By this time I am on my way home anyway and am in tears because a dog is going to end my relationship. I get home, he leaves, still arguing thru text and then we are broken up.. I was hysterical, crying and blubbering alone.. Well, not totally alone. Lexi, the dog he hates, sat and slept next to me on the bathroom floor as the tears stream down my face.. Thankfully, he returns. I become hysterical again yelling, crying, pleading.. He said he loves me and wont leave me again.. I want to believe him so bad, but I have been hurt, used, abused, and tossed to the side so many times before.. The fact that he left me at all makes me extremely scared and flairs my anxiety. I woke up last night thinking he was gone.. This mroning almost led into another fight because lexi peed on the side of my bed he normally sleeps on.. She is scared of him and his friend, so I didnt spank her like I normally would. If I hit her, shell just get more scared and pee more. He doesnt seem to understand or care.. He doesnt even want to live with me anymore.. I also doubt hes going to want to marry me.. I just dont know what to do..

08 April 2010

The Hunter: Me - The Prey: a Job

I've been hard at work searching and hunting for a new job with no such luck. I got a call today from one of the temp agencies in town for a call center job, but because I have my modeling classes on Saturdays I was told it wouldn't work out. Part of me is greatly disappointed; I need a job! The other part of me is relieved. I've been down that call center/ marketing road before and that is one path I do not want to revisit.

I've also re-created my resume. I'm hoping, with the pointers I got from one of my instructors, I will have better luck. I changed the look of it and added some "specials interests" and "hobbies". I'm not really sure why I put those in quotation marks...

Anyway, I'm posting my resume on my blog hoping that someone, somewhere out there will stumble upon it and realize I am just the person he or she is looking for.. I left off my references, naturally, so weirdos won't call them. I don't want to put people through a stalker situation.


Baylor, Danielle L
Clarksville, TN 37042
931.338.6229, Danielle.baylor@gmail.com

To acquire a position in which to use both my clerical and customer service skills in a friendly, flexible environment.

Work Related Skills
Inventory management, supply and warehousing in Army Reserves
Call center complaint management; professional, friendly phone etiquette
Retail sales, face-to-face marketing; cashier
MS Windows: Word, Excel, and Powerpoint; 60 WPM and spreadsheet preparation
Patient care for mentally ill and handicapped
CPR certified through America Red Cross

Special Interests/ Hobbies
Black & White photography
Health and fitness - pilates, yoga, jogging
Fashion and modeling
Email, text messaging, social networking, blogging, internet
Domestic and foreign travel

Employment History
Crown Services, INC; Hopkinsville, KY: Aug 2007 - March 2010
Patient Support Associate
Assisted licensed nursing staff with admissions process of new clients and with individual treatment plans for mentally ill patients . Trained to use CPR and non-violent intervention during critical, high-risk situations. Aided total care patients with feeding, hygiene, and mobility. Filing, copying, and maintaining patient charts and information following HIPPA regulations.

US Army Reserves, Nashville, TN: Oct 2005 - Present
Automated Logistical and Supply Specialist
Perform inventory management and organize supply areas as instructed by higher ranking in chain of command. Prepare and maintain documentation and records on equipment usage, operation, and maintenance according to Army regulations and standards. Participate in monthly and annual tactical training.

Convergy's, Clarksville, TN: Dec 2006 - July 2007
Warranty Exchange Representative
Answer incoming customer calls and perform over-the-phone technical support. Ensure customer satisfaction and product issue resolution using professional, friendly service and courtesy. Transfer difficult customer calls to supervisors or separate departments for further assistance.

Hopkinsville Community and Technical College
Oct 2007 - March 2010
Completed courses in Psychology, Writing I and II, Anatomy & Physiology I and II, Intro to Art, Intro to Computers - Windows 2007: Microsoft Word, Excel, and Powerpoint

John Casablancas Modeling and Acting Training Center
March 2010 - Present
School for modeling and acting as pre-step to casting calls and auditions for local talent agencies.

07 April 2010

the month of march...

If my life isn't just one gigantic roller coaster...

I got fired from my job a month ago, which initially was ok. I hated that job and have been enjoying the time off. DUring my period of unemployment I've been living life and having fun.

For a short while, I became an unlicensed massage therapist. That didn't last long. I was getting tired of the pervs requesting "happy endings". I failed my algebra class, putting a stop to my hopes of enrolling in the Radiology program and moving to Nashville this year, so I am now attending modeling and acting school! What a trade off, huh?

My love life has been, well... I dated a special forces guy for a while, but he did not want anything serious. I started seeing both a doctor and an IT guy for a bit, but neither of those worked out either. Then, out of no where I meet a soldier online and things couldn't be better. It has only been a couple of weeks, but things are going quite swimmingly. He has claimed me as his girlfriend, and like me, he doesn't believe in wasting time. I'm loving it.

Currently I am at the bottom of my money barrel, so I am desperately seeking employment. I just finished some assessment for a temp agency; trying to reach them now before I go in for whatever I am suppose to go see them about. I'm also waiting on a call from a pet store and I'm on the hunt for a mysterious day care center over by the hospital.

I am also trying to come up with a new name for my website. I dont suppose I'll be selling items anymore, but I do like the idea of having my own little space in the cyberworld. Yea, I have a few followers on twitter and facebook, but I want something I can call my very own.

Hopefully, when I update again (whenever that will be), I'll have something awesome to say. I hate talking about all the negative things in my universe. I do enjoy the occassional happy and inspirational moments that occur over a lifetime.

15 March 2010

01 March 2010


Right now on this lonely, cold, Monday (at least I think its Monday...) night, I want to go on a date. Why are Friday and Saturday the designated date nights? I still work on the weekends (well, when I had a job) and my paycheck was direct deposited on Tuesdays, so it didn't make any difference to me. I've noticed that Thursday is starting to sneak in on the action, creeping slowly into placement.

Am I the only one that is dissatisfied with courtship of the modern world? It seems to me today's media has had way too much of an influence on the way we single people live our lives. Before you start, because I know you're going to, I am not blaming tv and rap music for the chaos that is young America. Its like this: young girls watch those sappy romantic comedies and believe that is the way love happens - she's walking down the street with coffee, his dog gets loose and knocks her over, conveniently he lives in the building across the street so they go inside so she can change clothes (because everyone walks around with a completely accessorized outifit in their clutch), she does something goofy, he says something clever , then they fall in love, they get married. for men: same plot, they go to his apartment, they have sex, he says something clever, in come assassins , a lot of exploding and near nipple exposures, he still has a boner for her so they continue their adventures together .

Maybe the man plot is a little far-fetched, but generally that is what it is. I, being a girl, want that goofy silly love story because I'm a goofy silly girl, but thankfully I have enough sense about me to know that will never happen. I'm lucky enough to see a man a second time around.. I wish I could figure out how to get that Monday date. Monday is the beginning. The weekend is shallow, short, and empty, but a Monday is long; a day for production and surprises. I feel Monday is the perfect day for a date that has promise. The perfect day for those who are tired of short lived, disappointing flings and ready for that every night guarantee.

It just seems to me everyone's expectations are so unrealistic that when I attempt to jump into the dating scene I'm regarded as being abnormal. I guess I am in a sense, weird, because I actually want more than what is currently being offered to me: a drink and a fuck; not necessarily together or in that order... sigh is all I can do I suppose.

It's Monday night. I'm here alone, wishing for my phone to ring.

13 February 2010

my mind wanders...

It is after 3 in the morning and I am awake.

I suffer from a condition known as insomnia. I have not been diagnosed by a professional, but I believe that because this being awake constantly thing is a clear indication. I hate that the best advice anyone can give me is to go to bed. I have no issue with going to bed, it is the falling and/or staying asleep part that is suppose to come after getting into bed that I have an issue with. It is something I've dealt with since a very young age and probably will for quite a while longer. Guess I'll just sleep when I die; or have a nap in a coma haha.

I often sit up reflecting and meditating. I grew up in a household where sharing feelings and speaking your mind was unacceptable. Tears were a sign of weakness and punishable by house law (yes, it's safe to assume I have quite a few issues here in my adult life lol). In order to deal with all the emotion and turmoil accompanied by the maturation of the female body and mind, I learned to relive my life in my head during the late hours of the night over and over until something started to make sense.

Tonite, I'm pondering this Single's Recognition Day aka Hallmark Card Distribution Day, or Valentine's Day, as it is more commonly known. I care nothing for the "holiday". I feel its a waste of time and money. Why only buy me a rose and heart shaped box of chocolates on this one day during the year, Dad (because without need for exaggeration, no one else besides my father has ever given me a gift). Valentine's Day is just another reminder of how single and lonely I am, but with pretty decorations and fattening candies. It's like: I'm alone anyway, why not drown my sorrows in chocolate and gain any weight possibly lost after my New Year's resolution? Besides that, I don't even get holiday pay. This day benefits me not.

As I'm sitting here in my big comfy chair and big comfy sweats, my mind rolls back to my past. Relationships that is. My last "boyfriend" went above and beyond the typical "cheating"; without my knowledge, he got engaged to some older woman from somewhere south of Nashville on welfare with 3 kids that he met online, once. According to him, they fell in love during that one meeting. He is an idiot and she is an opportunist, in case anyone reading hasn't figured that out. He is a soldier and was preparing to deploy at the time. Put two and two together and they were made for each other.. I'm not going to go through every single break up I've been through, but this one was a real slap in the face. I didn't love him or anything like that, we weren't together very long, but I just finally reached my breaking point and I had an epiphany: men suck. I mean, they really, truly do.

So, I again begin to think. I'm a woman, so I do that quite frequently. I'm not entirely sure my mind ever really turns off. I am now wondering, what is it about me that attracts these sorts of men? The jerks. The assholes. The users. The married men. The disloyal. The losers. The cheaters. I don't dress any differently than anyone else. I blend int the crown pretty well, I think. Did I just not read enough Teen magazine growing up?

It gets a little saddening and frustrating watching every one around me getting married, having children and being happy. I am not completely miserable alone, but sometimes it would be nice to share my happiness, or misery, with someone else; someone that isn't contemplating who he will cheat with next as he lays next to me, how he will hide me from his wife and her friends, or completely neglect me for a video game he's already beaten 4 times.

In my profile, I state that I am perfect. That is not a personal opinion, but the conclusion I have been lead to by, men. As it so sincerely, and redundantly been explained to me: I have the type of body men want, my personality is great, I'm sweet,cute, pretty, sexy, nurturing, mature, fun, smart, funny, endearing, charming . Then the classic lines, "You're perfect. I'd date you if I didn't have a girlfriend." or "Any guy would be lucky to be with you!" "You can have any man you want [just not me]!" This is by far my favorite, "You're like a guy, but with boobs." lol, hilarious. A friend said that to me as I was instructing him on how to break up with his girlfriend.

With all the stress going on in my life, a serious and exclusive relationship is the last thing I need, but I can't say it isn't something I want; I still desire to be loved, regardless of what I have going on in my life.

Maybe I'm tired of being the "perfect girlfriend", as it appears to me that it is the imperfect ones that always get the prize..

09 February 2010

Another night.. Another shot

I've been reflecting on my life as of yet. I don't know if it's this movie or the vodka.. May be neither considering I do this often. Tonight, Ive been thinking about more than my usual shallow, pointless "why me? why cant i find a man" obsessions. I am seeking new employment. I NEED A NEW JOB!!

I like my job at Western State, I do. I am just so sick of starving and not getting my bills paid. I love my crazy, schizophrenic and psychotic patients, but I need more. To me, this job is something I'd do for my own volunteering pleasure, not as a career. Well, maybe if I was a Nurse or a Psychiatrist of some sort. I don't desire to be either.

Watching Adventureland, while not made in the 80s, makes me want that much more to have lived fully during that decade. I can just relate to this movie and dost others about the despair and turmoil of being a teenager between phases of life. I was meant to live during this time period. I am absolutely miserable in the 21st century. The 90s sucked! The 2000s suck equally, if not more.. The 80s, freaking awesome. The movies were great, the music were great, the clothes AWESOME! I was born just a few years too lte for sure.. I also believe I would have n easier time finding a man had I been born earlier. Men these days do not understand women like me, and vice versa.

Well, I believe that is all for now. Can't wait for my next blog. Valentine's Dy is right round the courner. Hate that stupid, Hallmark-ready holiday...

28 January 2010

So, I'm back..

Well, it has been about a year since my last post. Welcome back to me!

I haven't really been up to anything new. My business was not very successful, but I still have the website up. School is stressful, naturally. Work sucks, obviously. Had some man problems, of course.

Things now are starting to fall back into place after the big bang destroyed the little bit I had going for me before. I'm single and about as happy as a hungry, poor, 22 year old thousands of dollars in debt can be :D

I don't have a lot of time, but I will try to blog more often and keep people up to date on what I disturbingly call "life".

Please, check out my site if you get a chance. I have added a "donations" button. If you don't like my merchandise (I will be updating that very soon), you can still send me money through PayPal. I'm poor, hungry, and can barely afford gas to get me to school and work everyday. Stop sending your money to nameless "Christian" charity foundations where you don't even know where your money is going. Instead, send your charity my way where you can see it being put to good use!!