Big Chop!

I sat on it and sat on it.. I called both of my grandmas, and both told me "baby, just do it. you gotta do it anyway, right?".. so, finally, I broke down, drove over to the beauty college and had them chop me up..

I was big eyed and terrified the whole time, watching big chunks of my hair fall to the floor.. They took me over to the barber side to get "shaped up".. That was the first time clippers have ever been than close to my head. I understand why kids are so scared during their first hair cut lol.. The guy cut me kinda crooked, but its done now and I'm not going back for a while.. I still have some relaxed ends on top, but I just couldn't handle anymore.. I was shaking, feeling light headed. I needed to go home and let this trauma pass lol.

Sorry about the sun, I snapped a quick picture in the car driving home. I dunno what they used on my hair, but it was stinky. The definition is nice though. I have about 3 inches of hair, but my coils are super tight, so there's a lot of shrinkage.

I couldn't quite replicate the look myself at home.. So, back to square one. My oil and aloe vera mix just doesn't seem to be enough. I went to target today and got some Garnier Fructis Sleek & Shine Leave-in Conditioner and Suave Professionals Mousse Captivating Curls Whipped Cream Mousse because they were both under 3 dollars lol. I tried to buy from the ethnic care section, I really did.. when I saw shampoo for or whatever it was for 58 bucks, I did my best to catch my breath and not pass out on the floor. I couldn't do it. I could feel the cash in my pocket causing great pain to my leg..

I ran into another natural (cause I can say that now, hehe). I asked her the typical question one natural would ask another natural stranger in line at the store "what do you use on your hair?" basically, she said she uses Carol's Daughter, but wants something cheaper. She went on to say she wanted to try the Shea Moisture next.. Ok, if you don't know anything else about me, know that I am cheap.. too cheap. I'm not a penny pincher, I have my pennies super glued down. I showed her the Garnier in my cart, but she said its best to use products designed for "African American hair". I didn't want to argue with her, so I just said "oh, ok.. thank you"..

I'm just going to throw this out there for any new naturals, transitioners, or vets: you do NOT have to use products designed specifically for black hair.. truthfully, most of that high-priced ethnic stuff is manufactured by "white people".. let's just be realistic. Hair is hair.. set aside the curl types and color of our skin, its all basically the same. That's why a white person can use a black person shampoo with great results. if you read the ingredients list of the white products against the black products, I guarantee they have the same things. I know, because I looked lol. The main differences are oil and petroleum, but even on the white products, most of the moisturizing products have oils in them, because all hair, black white red green, needs oil.....

Ok, I realize I've gone off on a whole other blog post. I really just wanted to talk about the fact that I just cut off all my hair lol.

I'm only going to do a quick photo update about the results of my flat twists.. They looked alright, for my first few times:

In this one, I did them dry so they looked fluffier.

In this flat twist, I used Aussie Hair Insurance Leave-in conditioner on wet hair, along with my oil/aloe vera gel mix. The curls were much tighter; less fluffy

flat twists

Here is a pic of my first flat twist. Well, really my second, but this will count as my first since I don't have any other pictures to show:

Here's the after result.. not bad, I guess.. I could use some practice though lol:

Basically I just, flat twisted toward my face, around my head with two extra at the crown to avoid being flat on top.. I'll probably continue doing this until I get better, or bored with it and decide to move on to something different.

scab hair

Where do I begin? If you know or have heard of scab hair, its nothing to be afraid of.. it doesn't look very pretty, as you can see from my photo, but hair is hair and it isn't permanent.

For those that don't know what scab hair is, basically (and unscientifically) its the hard, frizzy, fuzzy, straight, curless (curl-less?) new growth as a result of relaxing. From my own understanding, and I'm no scientist, relaxers completely change the structure of your natural hair. Think, mutation (chemical X?). It strips and damages your natural hair in order to obtain that oh-so-desirable straight look. Well, we all know the skin and scalp absorb things from the environment, which includes harmful chemicals, such as relaxers, hair dyes, and texturizers. Although we all know we aren't suppose to get relaxer cream on our scalp, if you've ever done one at home and are like me, you probably slathered it right on there, heavy-handed, thinking what harm could be done, then left it on until you were running for some cold water to put out the fire on your head. How many beauticians have told you the longer you leave it on, the better it will work? hmph... Also, if you've never done one yourself, but you've ever had sores or burns on your head after a process, well, you've had the chemicals on your scalp..

When I was relaxing, I didn't know what scab hair was. I just knew that the hair in the back of my head grew in frizzy and fuzzy. When I couldn't flat iron the frizz away or slick it with pomade anymore (usually between 3 and 5 months), I knew it was time to relax, chemically relax that is. Now, my instincts did tell me that there was a possibility the relaxers and heat were damaging my hair, so I did start to take certain precautions like lowering the heat setting on my flat iron, air drying my hair, and relaxing that section of my head last in order to fix the problem. yea, didn't work.

Back to scab hair.. there really isn't a "cure", so if you stumbled upon this blog hoping for one.. I'm sorry. There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you're experiencing this problem too: it will go away. Let me repeat that: it WILL go away. It can take anywhere between 6 months to TWO years for your non-scab hair to grow back in. Read about it here: . I've been transitioning for 6 months now, and on the right side of my head, I am finally starting to notice my curl pattern growing in.. the left, which I have always had more trouble with, is still straight and frizzy..

Honestly, the best thing you can do for this hair, is baby it: condition, condition, and moisturize! This hair is the result of our harsh treatments and neglect. Its growing in this way to protect itself, from us. So, spoil it, love it, and treat it well; eventually it will forgive you and grow back in healthy and curly just as it was intended.

So, if you have scab hair and you want to get rid of it, keep it moist, keep it trimmed, and keep it happy. Before you know it, the hard ends will be gone and you can start worrying about something else ;P

I've been up since roughly 1:30 this morning.. at first I did my usual thing and play around with my phone. Normally, I google about hair, but since I've already almost reached my max for data (yea, hair obsession.. its that serious), I looked at a few youtube videos instead. I didn't check many cause I'm sure that uses up much data too..

Now, unusually, instead of laying in bed for 3hours until I fall back asleep (avoiding internet usage), I got up... big thing for me. I showered, shaved my legs (tmi?), put on a face mask which I was way overdue. Since my hair obsession I've been neglecting my other beauty needs. Gotta find some balance here.

O then cleaned the kitchen, which hasn't happened in a month.... don't judge me. Finally put a light bulb in the dining area. No more eating by candle light, haha. I started on the bathroom, which hasn't been cleaned in... well, I don't remember the last time, but then my babe woke up... now I'm starting to feel lazy again and want to go to back to sleep..
While you're over there passing judgement on me, let me just attempt to justify why Im such a slob. We're not living amongst garbage, rats and roaches here (my mom would kill me), but with my b12 deficiency, along with being a SINGLE MOM, its just physically difficult for me to muster up the energy. When I do get little bursts like this one, cleaning is not on my mind. I want to get out and do something, play with my son, do something fun before that jolt is spent. There have been days I have slept all night, woke up late, but ny the time I walk to the kitchen and make my sons breakfast I'm ready for a nap.. my body feels like its contracting; I get sp sore it hurts to walk.. so, I'm not your typical lazy slob. I do have a medical reason. I am taking supplements but I may need to up my intake cause I'm definitely not feeling any extra energy.. well, I guess for me I am cause now I only need an 2hr nap during the day instead of 5 lol..

Well, guess I'll take a quik nap.. its just 5:30. Still got the whole rest of the day. The dirt will be there when I wake up.

I did the unforgivable today... I used, Petroleum! *cue natural hair police*. I was just doing some experimenting. I saw that jar of blue magic sitting under the bathroom sink and thought, why not? Naturally, my hair feels a bit greasy now, but I think with some adjustments I can incorporate it into my winter hair care semi nonexistent regimen.

I only used it to seal my hair before doing my twists. I washed my hair this morning after hiding the scissors from myself. I just did my yogurt banana mask (which I added 10capsules of fenugreek, and I'll tell you why) then washed with Dove Daily Moisture conditioner and my L'Oreal reconstructive conditioner.

Lost my train of thought. Got Dora in the background and trying to get my son to eat dinner... anyway, um I did my usual routine of twisting and rolling, but I'm bored with that and I'm starting to think the rollers are aiding in the breakage. They're the foam type; I noticed my hair gets tangled into the foam pieces. I hardly, if ever, see hair in the shower or on my shoulders. I could count the hairs in my comb if I wanted... now, before I started using fenugreek, I tried a mayo/egg conditioning mask which left my hair crunchy, dry and from there I noticed the extra hair in my comb and sink. Anyway, it could be a number of things. It is getting much cooler out too which could be causing the slight breakage, or perhaps my hair is trying to force me into a big chop. It has always strived in shorter cuts lol.

I think, in any case, this is a sign I need to start trying new styles. I'm bored with two-strand twists with the rollers. Time to upgrade. Tonite I'm gonna try flat twisting. I know it isn't a huge jump, but bantu knots just don't quite work to blend my hair. They're ok for when I'm going to pin my hair down for something important. Otherwise, I like my hair BIG and curly. That's part of the reason I'm going natural (I'll talk more about that later).. so, tonite its time to change it up.

Now, I used that much fenugreek because my mask just wasn't thickening the way i like and I absolutely hate stuff dripping down my face and neck. Its comparable to Chinese water torture, if you ask me. To compensate for using so much, I only left the mask on my hair for 30minutes or so. My ends feel more wiry, which is good in my opinion. Makes me feel like my hair is stronger than when its pillowy soft. I dunno that it is or isn't; just a mental comfort thing really.

Alright, so I'm gonna go do this thing while my son is distracted with Wall-E.. I've been checking some Youtube videos, so I think I'm ready now.

Here I go!

the great debate

I guess there comes that moment in every transitioners journey where she (and maybe he?) contemplates the "big chop".. I'm at that moment now... laying in bed pulling at these matted ends cause I was too lazy to twist my hair last night...

I chose to transition because I knew I wasn't ready for such a drastic change. i.e., cutting my hair and wearing a fro. I had no idea what kind of hair was hiding under this relaxer and if I did hate it, I could always fall back to the #creamycrack lol.

The problem comes from my impatience. I'm too impatient to transition. The detangling and different textures doesn't even bother me, I'm just tired of waiting! and rolling...

On the opposite end of that, I'm too impatient to big chop.. once its gone, its gone, and can I really wait a year or more for my hair to get this length again? Plus, the shrinkage... ugh. I like instant gratification. Hair doesn't grow instantly.

I've done well to combat my normally impulsive nature.. minus that mini chop episode a month or two ago.. right now at the top of my head, my curls are long and springy. I have no curl pattern in the back; just frizz and fuzz. I should start posting photos, huh? Haha. I don't think I can from this phone.

What to do, what to do... I really can't tell where my new growth ends, so I ought not cut it myself. I need to just wait and see how I feel in a few months. Maybe with a few more inches of growth, I'll gain some balls and just chop it.

I want to hear from people that transitioned and big chopped. How did you feel? Why did you choose that route?